College, Deep thoughts, Home, Loveydovey

blessing&curse

Yesterday was Spencer’s 19th birthday! He’s a bit of a baby but hey! Now we’re both the same age! I cannot believe it’s our last year as teenagers! Scary! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SPENCE! Hope you had a good one! Sorry I was so overly-enthusiastic about it!
But now, the juicy stuff
___________________________________________________________________________________________

Having to celebrate Spencer’s birthday AND say goodbye all in the same day/night was…
the toughest.

We fooled ourselves into thinking it was just another day… but one especially focused on Spencer (I like focusing on Spencer!)… and one with laundry to do and a couple bags to pack. We fooled ourselves, night after night, into thinking we were truly living out an endless summer. We fooled ourselves into thinking two months would go by slower than it did. We fooled ourselves into thinking it’d be easier to say bye this time.

I took him out to dinner for sushi on Monday, we went to a Rockies game on Tuesday, we went golfing yesterday. Not bad activities to wind down a summer with! But the normalcy kept us fooled yesterday. In my basement, we watched the Office, as we did all summer: with smiles, laughs and blankets wrapped around us. I got sleepy and he teased me. We just kept watching, in hopes of finishing them all. And while that meant a marathon for a few hours, we were dedicated because it was our GOAL, and in the back of our minds we knew we only had one night left.

At 1:15 this morning we finished the last episode that was on Netflix! WE DID IT! 169 episodes! whew. We are intelligent people, spending all our time watching a dumb (but AMAZING) tv show! Shortly after the credits finished and Netflix reset itself to season 1 episode 1, it hit us.

“I should go! You have work in the morning!” He said, followed by s i l e n c e.
My chin started quivering, lump in throat, ugly crier face and voice initiated.
“It gets me everytime” I mumbled in a scratchy and stupidly inaudible whisper/mumble.

We hugged while sitting on the couch….. and lost it.
Salt water, more scratchy voices, runny noses, worrying, sadness, sadness, sadness, hugs, cheek pecks.

We were a mess in my basement at 1:30 in the morning. In the bathroom, with tissues and hugs, we comforted each other, and passed off thank yous and tears of gratefulness. After calming down 15% on the emotional mess scale, we headed upstairs.

Watching him put on his shoes was the worst.
Opening the door was like death. Death by distance. (Dramatic… I know.)
It felt like I was losing my best friend to 492|810 miles and 108 days.
We’d done this before, but the goodbyes just keep getting worse!
Once he was at his car I walked upstairs only to look out the window and see him standing there instead of driving away. Car troubles? No. Forget something? No. He texted me when he was home to say he wanted to turn around and come back inside. I die.

Oh how hard it is to be blessed with such a great relationship and cursed by different locations and schedules out of our control. I am by no means a clingy/overly-dependent girl. But there is just something about our bond and effortlessness of being together that  destroys me when we have to be separated again. But college is worth it(?). Hehe. And we like judging those kids who go to college with their high school boy/girlfriend and make no new friends/fail at trusting each other even at the same school. Wow we’re mean?

Hmmf. So for now, it’s official: all my best friends are gone. And I have three weeks to sulk…… AND hang with my rents, the few high schoolers and quarter-system people I know!
Weeeee now I need to….
first: man up and quit being so dramatic and emotional about Spencer leaving
second: count my blessings and use technology to keep in touch with my boy
third: look forward to school, where friends, happiness, and energy will greet me!

Til Christmas (or sooner if I drop some big money on an impulsively bought plane ticket)…..
Seeya on the interwebs Spencer Carlyle

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