Deep thoughts, Home

Stuck: like peanut butter on the roof of da mouth

the ranchI heard about this problem before, but I didn’t think it’d apply to me so much.
College throws you into the world with no parents around, and only your morals, bank statement, and personality to keep you in check. Aka FREEDOM. I’m talking mozzarella sticks at 2am, all-nighters, dance parties, running through sprinklers, ordering food with the vague notion of dining points, walking everywhere, no bedtime, naps, and MORE! Oh college I love you for your spontaneity.

Then,
I came home.

Now,
I feel stuck.

Less stressed, sure, but still, s t u c k.

Treated as a child, as one should be in a childhood home, I’ve taken a step back.
Back into the land of “be home by so-and-so” or “don’t eat that right before dinner” or “eat your fruits and vegetables” or “don’t stay up too late.”
Land of chores. Land of sheltered children. Land of everything closing at 10pm.  Land of using technology and planning-ahead to try to keep up with new friends, who are an arm’s length away. They have only months compared to friends here, in the land of friendships constructed from years.
I’m stuck in a land of old friends doing old things. But with new tales to tell.

We’re stuck in this place called home. But now, we’re all working jobs with different schedules. We have responsibilities that keep us from wasting away the days at the rec center, playing sports, or going to Six Flags. Instead, [people my age] we’re building resumes, setting alarms, using calendars, saving up for who-knows-what, getting engaged (what the cray!), straying away from our common grounds.

More than ever, we taste the sweetness of independence but meet struggles in truly moving forward. We’re held back by childhood restraints that keep us frustrated, but thankful for where we have been raised. Surrounded by naivety, we start to truly develop individuality, however, at what cost?

The true changes I see scare me. Now, I try to embrace familiarity with gratefulness and every friendship and relationship with care. The future, as exhilarating as it may be with dreams of wanderlust and success, challenges me to hold close what and who I see most fitting. It all comes back to survival of the fittest, and while I do not wish to abandon youth by any means, moving forward will take risk, independence, and adventure.
A mouthful of milk to wash down the peanut butter that is being stuck, in the land of not-quite-a-kid-teenager-or-adult.

*But don’t worry, I will always indulge in Reese’s to bring me back to an automatic level of bliss and familiarity 😉

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